I always tell me participants, what is it that you want to be?
A log in a river, that goes along with flow and eventually joins the vast ocean. One more log among a sea of logs.
Or to be a fish which swims against the current to reach it's destination.
And honestly everyone of them want to be a fish, but what those young beautiful bright people don't know is that most of us land up sleep walking through life.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
"Proactive" a way of life.....
While I was reading Stephen Covey’s seven habits, I came across this really interesting definition of “Proactive”. It was the time one allows himself or herself between stimulus and reaction.
Being proactive was not, being the 1st one in line to take over the project.
Or booking your holiday well in advance.
Or buying your wife a lovely necklace, as a surprise a week b4 her birthday. (BTW Ram, I am still waiting for my birthday present.)
Being proactive in the words of Stephen Covey simply meant that, if someone calls you incapable, you don’t get on a mission to prove that person wrong. Because that would mean, somewhere, you believe him or her.
You believe you are incapable and now you are trying hard to change.
I once read this quote, which said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I know whether I am capable, or not, and someone calling me incapable doesn’t make me one.
Viktor Frankl, the famous Jew psychiatrist, who spent a lot time in the Nazi refugee camps, spoke about the kind of humiliation and torture every prisoner there was subjected to. Their existence in the camps was that of one day at a time. Their nights, usually, were spent digging graves for the people they have shared a meal with.
Viktor Frankl, lost his wife and parents to this torture.
And over a period of time he realized, that only his body was being subjected to that torture, but not his soul. He allowed his imagination to expand.
While he stood naked in biting cold, being welted, he allowed his mind to imagine a huge seminar hall, with eager faced students who are listening to his teachings.
And slowly his freedom in the Nazi death camps, increased. He felt freedom greater than that of the prison guards. He even started counseling other inmates and some guards.
The reason I speak about Viktor Frankl, is because I admire him in his strength to be able to make a clear distinction between his body and soul.
We all want to be happy, I do, so does everyone. However, most of us allow our happiness to be defined by the action of other. This is being reactive. We wait for a stimulus which will bring out a happy reaction. What we don’t understand is that, we are responsible for our own joys and sorrows.
We allow our happiness to revolve around others.
It is important to understand that being proactive is not just a desirable quality of a team player (as defined by HR), it is in fact a way of life.
A life where you take charge and say, “I am of my own. No one else defines me. Neither my friends, or my family, or my job, or the car I own, or the house I live in.
I am and I exist, because of me.”
Being proactive was not, being the 1st one in line to take over the project.
Or booking your holiday well in advance.
Or buying your wife a lovely necklace, as a surprise a week b4 her birthday. (BTW Ram, I am still waiting for my birthday present.)
Being proactive in the words of Stephen Covey simply meant that, if someone calls you incapable, you don’t get on a mission to prove that person wrong. Because that would mean, somewhere, you believe him or her.
You believe you are incapable and now you are trying hard to change.
I once read this quote, which said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
I know whether I am capable, or not, and someone calling me incapable doesn’t make me one.
Viktor Frankl, the famous Jew psychiatrist, who spent a lot time in the Nazi refugee camps, spoke about the kind of humiliation and torture every prisoner there was subjected to. Their existence in the camps was that of one day at a time. Their nights, usually, were spent digging graves for the people they have shared a meal with.
Viktor Frankl, lost his wife and parents to this torture.
And over a period of time he realized, that only his body was being subjected to that torture, but not his soul. He allowed his imagination to expand.
While he stood naked in biting cold, being welted, he allowed his mind to imagine a huge seminar hall, with eager faced students who are listening to his teachings.
And slowly his freedom in the Nazi death camps, increased. He felt freedom greater than that of the prison guards. He even started counseling other inmates and some guards.
The reason I speak about Viktor Frankl, is because I admire him in his strength to be able to make a clear distinction between his body and soul.
We all want to be happy, I do, so does everyone. However, most of us allow our happiness to be defined by the action of other. This is being reactive. We wait for a stimulus which will bring out a happy reaction. What we don’t understand is that, we are responsible for our own joys and sorrows.
We allow our happiness to revolve around others.
It is important to understand that being proactive is not just a desirable quality of a team player (as defined by HR), it is in fact a way of life.
A life where you take charge and say, “I am of my own. No one else defines me. Neither my friends, or my family, or my job, or the car I own, or the house I live in.
I am and I exist, because of me.”
Monday, April 19, 2010
Intellectual conversation
Well, I am at work now, bored and contemplative. M thinking I should write……….
I am a mother..infact a working a mother of a 2 yr old lovely boy, Simba. I leave my home at 8:30 am every morning and am back by 7:30 pm, sometimes later.
At home my life largely involves a lot of pee pees and poo poos, ABCs and wolves who go huff and go puff. of Lion king, Pumba and Timon…..of cheetahs and tigers, of lions and deer, of chocolates v/s rice.
Of cute little words spoken in the most amazing baby dialects. Of Johnsons baby cosmetics and sterilized water, of playschools as against home tutoring……etc etc etc.
At work it is all about behavioral skills (I work as a behavioral trainer), of corporatization, of attention to details, of the L&D brand, of office politics and of idle gossip.
One day while I was asking a colleague, how he and his wife (btw they are yet to have children) spend their weekends, he told me that weekends were set aside for intellectual conversation between them. What he meant was, few hours every weekend they switch off the TV, set aside all books and chores and talk intellectual.
Intellectual? Huh!! Now that is what I was missing in my life. I realized all this talk about pee pees and poo poos was getting to me. I needed intellectual stimulation.
So one Saturday, I left our son, Simba, at his grand parents and literally dragged Ram, my husband, out for a drive. We sat there in the car for a long time, when finally I spoke up, “Ram, today’s outing we are going to talk about intellectual stuff.” “Ummmm…..okay. So what intellectual stuff do you want to talk about?”, was Ram’s response.
I thought about it for almost 2 minutes and decided that discussing philosophy sounds like a very intellectual topic.
So there we were 2 people, who have been married for 3.5 yrs, known each other for 5.5 years discussing each other’s philosophies in life.
Wow, now that did not feel intellectual at all. Where was the learning? I already know my husband, his philosophies, his principles and his values in life. And he know about me.
Shouldn’t intellectual be all about learning, to be able to see, understand and respect an all together different paradigm?
Okay, change of topic. I brought in the element of current affairs. And we started discussing things like the budget, and GDP and terrorism.
Still where was the learning, where was my new paradigm? We had the same views about everything.
“Ram, you know what. I don’t think I can ever have an intellectual conversation with you. Don’t get me wrong, you are smart and intelligent, but looks like we are different kinds of intelligent.” My frustration at my unsuccessful attempt at an intellectual conversation with the love of my life, was killing me. And I needed to vent out.
Ram, started laughing. All he did was hold my hand and spoke, “Priya, being a mother to a 2 year old does not make you any less intelligent. One does not need to be high on IQ, for us to learn from them.
You have learnt the Power of compassion, when your son wakes up at 6 am, plays quietly in a corner, because he has decided to let his tired mother sleep for little while longer.
You have learnt the Power of love, when you cut your finger while cooking and Simba kisses it, hoping for the pain to vanish.
You have learnt the Power of sharing, when you and I sit together and share a smile while looking at our beautiful lives together.
You have learnt the Power of wisdom, when the day you watched “The Lion King” with Simba, came to me and told me. “Ram, there are 2 ways of dealing with a problem, ‘You can either run from it, or learn from it’.”
You have learnt the Power of philosophy, when you were humming, “Hakuna Matata, it means no worries for the rest of your days, it’s a problem free philosophy, Hakuna Matata.”
Do you still feel your life lack’s exclusive intellectual conversation?”
I thought about everything Ram just spoke, I think it was perhaps the deepest most meaningful thing he had ever spoken to me 5 and half years.
I was so touched, I could have hugged him, if it wasn’t extremely uncomfortable to hug in a car.
And yes, that day I realized, my life was actually very fulfilling.
And who cares a hoot about silly intellectual conversation. :-)
I am a mother..infact a working a mother of a 2 yr old lovely boy, Simba. I leave my home at 8:30 am every morning and am back by 7:30 pm, sometimes later.
At home my life largely involves a lot of pee pees and poo poos, ABCs and wolves who go huff and go puff. of Lion king, Pumba and Timon…..of cheetahs and tigers, of lions and deer, of chocolates v/s rice.
Of cute little words spoken in the most amazing baby dialects. Of Johnsons baby cosmetics and sterilized water, of playschools as against home tutoring……etc etc etc.
At work it is all about behavioral skills (I work as a behavioral trainer), of corporatization, of attention to details, of the L&D brand, of office politics and of idle gossip.
One day while I was asking a colleague, how he and his wife (btw they are yet to have children) spend their weekends, he told me that weekends were set aside for intellectual conversation between them. What he meant was, few hours every weekend they switch off the TV, set aside all books and chores and talk intellectual.
Intellectual? Huh!! Now that is what I was missing in my life. I realized all this talk about pee pees and poo poos was getting to me. I needed intellectual stimulation.
So one Saturday, I left our son, Simba, at his grand parents and literally dragged Ram, my husband, out for a drive. We sat there in the car for a long time, when finally I spoke up, “Ram, today’s outing we are going to talk about intellectual stuff.” “Ummmm…..okay. So what intellectual stuff do you want to talk about?”, was Ram’s response.
I thought about it for almost 2 minutes and decided that discussing philosophy sounds like a very intellectual topic.
So there we were 2 people, who have been married for 3.5 yrs, known each other for 5.5 years discussing each other’s philosophies in life.
Wow, now that did not feel intellectual at all. Where was the learning? I already know my husband, his philosophies, his principles and his values in life. And he know about me.
Shouldn’t intellectual be all about learning, to be able to see, understand and respect an all together different paradigm?
Okay, change of topic. I brought in the element of current affairs. And we started discussing things like the budget, and GDP and terrorism.
Still where was the learning, where was my new paradigm? We had the same views about everything.
“Ram, you know what. I don’t think I can ever have an intellectual conversation with you. Don’t get me wrong, you are smart and intelligent, but looks like we are different kinds of intelligent.” My frustration at my unsuccessful attempt at an intellectual conversation with the love of my life, was killing me. And I needed to vent out.
Ram, started laughing. All he did was hold my hand and spoke, “Priya, being a mother to a 2 year old does not make you any less intelligent. One does not need to be high on IQ, for us to learn from them.
You have learnt the Power of compassion, when your son wakes up at 6 am, plays quietly in a corner, because he has decided to let his tired mother sleep for little while longer.
You have learnt the Power of love, when you cut your finger while cooking and Simba kisses it, hoping for the pain to vanish.
You have learnt the Power of sharing, when you and I sit together and share a smile while looking at our beautiful lives together.
You have learnt the Power of wisdom, when the day you watched “The Lion King” with Simba, came to me and told me. “Ram, there are 2 ways of dealing with a problem, ‘You can either run from it, or learn from it’.”
You have learnt the Power of philosophy, when you were humming, “Hakuna Matata, it means no worries for the rest of your days, it’s a problem free philosophy, Hakuna Matata.”
Do you still feel your life lack’s exclusive intellectual conversation?”
I thought about everything Ram just spoke, I think it was perhaps the deepest most meaningful thing he had ever spoken to me 5 and half years.
I was so touched, I could have hugged him, if it wasn’t extremely uncomfortable to hug in a car.
And yes, that day I realized, my life was actually very fulfilling.
And who cares a hoot about silly intellectual conversation. :-)
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